What is “holding Space”

I believe that “holding Space” for a loved one is the most powerful and loving thing you can do.

In my 19 years of parenting, this is a technique that honestly has saved me from going bonkers.  It has given me to an opportunity to change my whole perspective on parenting and helped me feel connected to my kids. It did not make every moment joyful,  glorious and perfect because nothing can, we are human having a human experience but we can all choose how we shine our inner light through tumultuous times. That is why I choose to hold space for those I love and this is why I wanted to share it with you, to give you another tool to help you through this journey of life.

For any one who has read my book “Gentle Steps on the Journey of a Healing Heart” you will have read my many experiences with holding space without using this label but in essence, this is what I did to get through all of the challenges my family faced.  When I started to “hold space” I never had a name for it, it was a feeling or inner knowing that I felt that was more powerful than anything else …even fear.

The first page in my book talks about how when my son was diagnosed, the fear took over my body, I could not talk without wanting to cry and I lived every moment with a knot so big in my stomach and fear racing through every cell of my body at all times, I knew I needed to create a way for myself to break free from all of that fear to be able to see all of the beautiful moments that life offers us, and that is exactly what I did.  Because I learned to hold space I was able to overcome my extreme fear and truly help each of my children on their journey from a pure place of love, not fear. Now I know that my story looks different from others but just because we have different stories what remains the same is the feelings.  Things may look different on the outside but fear is fear, sadness is sadness, loneliness is loneliness, you get the picture.  We are all connected through our emotions and that is why when we hold space for another it is so healing when you can offer love and acceptance, the other person feels free enough to look at what scares them, you are holding a sacred space of love for them to feel safe.  Trust me when we faced those times like I did when no one was sure if my son would live, all I could do was hold the space of unconditional love for him to feel safe enough to heal. Throughout his life up to the present of entering adulthood and creating his own identity can cause a pain and suffering of entering the unknown that can have you freeze in fear, bring you to your knees, break your heart over and over but I choose to hold space for him. To see him through the eyes of love and create a safe space for him to navigate his world.  I have had so many experiences of this with both my children, my husband and my family and I can say hands down that holding space for them has been my saving grace.  Holding space has allowed me to see the beauty in every minute and even when the surface is messy, your inside can remain the calm in the storm for you and those you love!

What does it mean to hold space for a loved one?

Holding space for a loved one means we are willing to walk with them on whatever journey they are on, without judgment, making them feel inadequate, trying to fix them or trying to impact the outcome. When we choose to hold space for someone we are bringing loving kindness and compassion. It can be uncomfortable to sit in someones personal suffering and share love, kindness, and compassion in place of fear, judgment, or the need to fix for our comfort but the power defies any words.  By removing words and making them feel the unconditional love we give them the opportunity to hear their own intuition.  The healing for both parties comes from letting there be room for grief, room for relief, room for fear, room for joy, room for growth, room for it all to happen.

Our common default is to worry or try to push them towards the solution we have in our mind and of course, we are feeling this comes from love but what happens is that we take away their own personal power and hinder their trust in their own guidance.

Take a second and feel the difference even in reading those words.  When you hold space you open up to possibilities and when you come from the place that most people default into, makes your stomach sink.

Over the years I have found many techniques that I use for holding space and I know that this also looks different for each person.  For one person they may find this space in Meditation, or in restorative yoga, or through a walk in nature.  So for you to start this process you will need to find what technique works for you and then use that process to build on until it becomes an automatic response.

To hold space for another will take practice, but it’s worth it! Along the way, you will slip into fear from time to time, and that’s ok.  Do not judge yourself, just be kind to yourself.  No matter what we do in life it takes time and practice. Keep reminding yourself of the end goal, the end feeling and keep putting one foot in front of the other.<3

Lots of Love,

Clara